ZEN SARCASM

Zen Sarcasm
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> 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
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> 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt or a leaky tire.
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> 3. It's always darkest before dawn , so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
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> 4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
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> 5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
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> 6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
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> 7. If you think nobody cares if you 're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
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> 8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
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> That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
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> 9. If at first you don't succeed................skydiving is not for you.
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> 10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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> 11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
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> 12. Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield.
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> 13. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
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> 14. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
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> 15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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> 16. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
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> 17. There are two theories to arguing with a woman - Neither one works.
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> 18. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
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> 19. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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> 20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative.